A good day!

Today is windy, rainy and gray, due to the edges of Hurricane Ike. I'm grateful we were spared a harder hit and send prayers and light to all those who got the full force of this storm.

I walked for an hour in the gray day before the rains came this morning, praying, affirming and allowing. There is always something for me about the green and blue, the canal, the water birds that brings me joy and peace.

My weight is down another half a pound today to 220.5. The downward trend is what I'm looking for. :-)

Today I've eaten:

*rawnola with almond milk, raspberries and strawberries

*piece of raw cheese with cracker

*one flax cracker with 2 T guacamole

*a chocolate 'shake' made with almond milk, a piece of frozen banana, 4 strawbs, 1 T each of maca and cocoa, and a bit of agave. luscious!

More later

Here I am on my raw and living path....

This glorious spiral path called life has a miraculous way of getting me ready to truly be in alignment with what I really want. I have been dancing with living foods for a few years now, and along the way much of my old SAD diet has lost its charm. I see now that 'eating what I want, not what I think I should' leads me to fresh, beautiful, alive foods.

I have at least 80 excess pounds to release. My health is excellent. I want it to remain that way or better. I want to move more easily and more comfortably. I want to be released from compulsive eating of any kind. And heartburn and the other bodily discomforts that, for me, accompany a SAD diet. I want the radiance and well being that eating living foods offers me. I want to live the new story of who I am and how my body is.

This has been a pretty joyful day, with the ususal and unusual blips and bumps of life, but nonetheless I get to choose joy and peace.

So besides walking in the windy, cloudy day, I was pampered by Roxy and Erica my favorite hairdressers, and got to talk on the phone with both of my kids.

Here's what I chose to eat today. And boy oh boy, did I enJOY it all!!

About 20 oz of fresh veggie juice: carrot, apple, celery, cuke, lemon, baby spinach

several handsful of red grapes

rawnola with fresh almond milk and sliced strawberries

small handful of pecans

freshly made guacamole with white onion on flax crackers

almond butter and honey on flax crackers

lots and lots of pure water

My weight is down from 225.5 on Friday to 221.0 this morning, Monday.

I've got beautiful food awaiting me for tomorrow. I am in a state of openness and receptivity for guidance about what to do regarding my son and his school. and I am grateful for everything!
I send prayers for the highest healing for my sister in law, Judy, and my friends: Linda, and Pam and all others who are suffering and wanting healing and well being.

And in the poetic words of my friend, Cornflower:

"Tears of Joy for this Miraculous Moment we all Breathe within Together!"

Another day added to the string of pearls....

Had a nice night last night, we went for a late dinner to one of our fave Italian restaurants. We three split a caesar salad--very yummy with red onions, and I ordered the fresh mushroom sauce over veggies. Perfect for me. I love having something to order there that is satisfying and leaves me feeling great. We three were all in good spirits enjoyed one another.
I felt so good about the easy good choices I made.

Lots of thoughts about my talk with Don, sharing with D and liking what an easy connection it was. He said that when he was out at a restaurant/bar with our classmates and he was feeling like he was 13 again, it felt like he was tripping. lol Said he got speedy like he was at 13, talking a mile a minute and seeing them as they were, 50 yrs ago! This is the perfect time for us to reconnect, and I am grateful to MJ for that, he said he is too.

D and I talked about how the 'victim' story is dissapating. He feels the residue around money and I around food/weight, but both are close to done. Contaminated by awareness, the story no longer holds. Exciting. I said that letting go of the victim energy with Wendy will free us even more.

On our ride this am we talked about starting a foundation to educate and support families of struggling/Indigo teens. We got very energized by the thought of doing our work with families and kids like us and Justin. I feel that if we have the idea, the $$ is already on the way, no worries. Did I tell you that I am playing with the idea of a program that is set up sort of like RFBC for Everyday Joy? I am kicking it around, a subscription thing with multiple components, along with the books, coaching, courses, etc. Last night I dreamed that I was asked to do two EDJ workshops and planned and wrote them up very thoughtfully and completely, and it turned out I was really being asked to participate in a workshop,not lead one. When I found that out, I thought well, cool, now I've got two fabulous workshops ready to roll. Jennifer Anniston was in the dream, it all took place at her father's home, and she had a small bedroom in a guesthouse, the bed was like a loft bed.. Linda was there and at the end of the workshop, we all drank from a small metal cup with a diluted ayahuasca drink. I love whatever is being stirred up. I feel like cobwebs are being swept away. I like this a lot. I feel more alive than I have in a while and happy.

We're back from our ride, I'm having one of those yummy coco smoothies and it's getting ready to rain. Oh yeah, get this, earlier we were riding along our favorite part of the ride, a pedestrian road that goes through the Charles Deering summer estate and is beautiful and heavily treed. It is where I was when I knew MJ had died, where I was when I had the vision of my dying cousin Dick being carried down the stairs by his son. So we were in a state of excitement and enthusisam about our foundation idea--very in sync with each other and the concept. The sky was dark and rumbling with light thunder. All of a sudden, to our left up ahead, a loud CRACK! and two big tree branches fell to the ground into the brush. Whoa! We could see that they were live, not dead branches. Concluded that it was a lightening strike. And took it as a sign from the U that YES!! GREAT IDEA!! I APPROVE!! we both loved how it felt to get a blast of that divine energy!!

I got two more avos from my neighbor, the guac and pico were yummy yesterday. I am on a good eating roll. And here is my new story today:

• I am full of life and passion
• I live and let live, lovingly
• I make very wholesome food choices easily
• I am releasing all that no longer serves me--stories, foods, weight, control
• I am happy and grateful
• I am so in love with my soulmate husband
• I love seeing my son grow into young manhood
• I know that my daughter and I are healing our relationships so that we can be together again
• My life is an incredible unfolding masterpiece
• I am stringing conscious, cognizant, successful days together effortlessly
• I choose consciousness over comfort now
• I am beautiful, interesting, funny, powerful and attractive

Foods eaten today:

• Smoothie, coco,pineapple, strawbs, banana, hemp, flax, maca, cocoa, agave
• Banana, walnuts
• water
• small saladwith evoo, 6 small spin ravioli with tom sauce
• one roll
• 2 handsfull peanut m&m's

enJOY!

Good news and good food.....

I weighed 225.5 on Wednesday morning. This morning I am down 3.5 pounds to 222. I've gotta believe that this is about letting go in deep, energetic ways and changing my story. Yay!

I just got back from a bike ride with my husband in the beautiful South Florida summer morning and we are sharing a fabulous smoothie with:

• 2 cups baby coconut water and meat
• 1 banana
• 1+ cup frozen strawberries
• 1 1/2 cups frozen pineapple
• 1-2 T agave syrup
• 2Tflax seed
• 2T hemp seed
• 1/2 to 3/4 cup water for consistency

Blend all in VitaMix. (I reserve a little of this and add some water, 1 T maca and 1 T raw cocoa powder, blend and drink. Got my superfoods in that way and still enjoy the pure goodness of the fruits in the smoothie.) I'll make another one later for lunch with the rest of the coconut water and meat. How lucky can a girl get!

Living here in Miami, we hit the motherlode last week when our neighbor was trimming his trees and had dozens of green coconuts he wanted to get rid of! We've got so many we're thinking we can't use them fast enough so will open a bunch and freeze the water and meat in ziplocs.

After I write this I'm making my famous guacamole and pico de gallo.

Guac:

• 1 medium Florida avocado
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• juice of one lemon
• 1T cumin
• 1t ground coriander
• sea salt to taste

Mash avo with a fork, mash in the rest of the ingredients. Enjoy with flax crackers or raw veggies, or on top of taco 'meat' or marinated veggies, etc. Or take it with to when you go out to dinner and put it on top of your restaurant salad for a great dinner.

Pico de Gallo:

• 3-4 medium tomatoes or 2 cups grape tomatoes,
• 1/2 medium white onion
• good handful of fresh cilantro
• juice of one lime
• jalapeno pepper to taste
• sea salt, optional

Chop onion in food processor, add tomatoes, cilantro and the other ingredients and pulse til desired consistency. Sometimes I eat this like gazpacho, it's so amazingly good!

I make these so often I could do it in my sleep. lol

Today my mantra is: EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT AS LONG AS IT'S RAW.

• I love being alive
• I see that everything is working out for the highest good of everyone
• I am patient with life's process
• I am letting go of fear and control in favor of trust and peace
• I have a brand new story about food, weight and bodylove
• Today is a brand new day and I'm grateful for new opportunities to love
• I am live in my body and love the buzz I feel
• I am eager, conscious and open
• My life becomes whatever I want it to become
• I am blessed beyond all imagining
• I have all I need and all I want

enJOY this new day!

PS Food eaten today

• Smoothie
• Smoothie
• 2 figs andwalnuts
• Some guac and pico and a few flax chips
• BigCheese: small caesar salad, side of mushrooms YAY!

Still Friday.....

I am looking at what I am eating, what I want to eat and what my true goals are. This is the only way I can determine if what I am doing will bring me closer to or farther from my goals.

So far eating high raw, with the pizza, pie, etc thrown in is not allowing me to release weight. I know when I am eating all raw,even with higher fats like evoo, or avo, I do begin to let go of the weight, and this is even with a 'bite' of this or that now and then. But not with the cooked being a staple part of my diet.

My goals are to:

• Achieve easier, steady, permanent weight release down to my ideal weight of around 140 lbs.
• Maintain normal blood sugar/A1C levels---like my last bloodwork showed
• Digest food more easily
• Stop the illusion of guesswork about food and weight
• Enjoy the emotional, spiritual balance and radiance of a healthy lifestyle

I am changing my story about my ability to choose to do this for myself. All of the old reasons 'why not' are falling away. They're being replaced with the knowing that if I want to, I can.

So, the beginning of my new story is.... well, actually I've already written it in a journaling exercise I created called "What's playing at the movies?" which allows you to script, detail and FEEL the reality you want in order to allow it to manifest in your life. Mine is very detailed and I will read it every day. It has to do with making the decision to eat a very high raw diet and finally find the peace and joy of releasing not only the excess weight but the struggle and obsession with the food plans. It has to do with closure on the past and opening to a more joyful future. I will focus on this new story A LOT.

This journaling exercise (and others like it) will be available soon in ebook or online course form soon at my spiritual life coaching website http://www.everydayjoy.com/

So I'm off to eat some beautiful fruit and read my movie script. :-))

enJOY!!

Every day a new beginning.....

Yesterday I ate beautiful oranges, and cherries that were perfect. I made a big smoothie and spilled it all over my office carpet. I had a small slice of pizza and a tiny sliver of homemade apple pie. They both tasted good. I didn't eat much. And I was satisfied, totally.

I see that I am able to keep my emotional balance very well despite what goes on around me. I keep choosing love and trust, and releasing fear. I've worked hard over many years to be able to do this. My barometer is my stomach/solar plexus. When I am in fear it burns and hurts. When I am in love and trust it is peaceful and comfortable. I know a few energy clearing techniques taht work really well for me and I use them.

Today I have half a smoothie waiting for me in the fridge (the half I didn't spill--lol). I have oranges and cherries and mangos and apples, and the guac and pico I didn't get around to making yesterday.

I am up earlier than usual and it's a perfect day for a long ride.

I am putting everything into God's hands. And I drop my shoulders as I think that thought--I relax into it.

My friend since the fourth grade passed away yesterday from cancer. I am sad that she is no longer in the world and my heart breaks for her family. The last glimpse I had of her was a photo of her in the fifth grade....there she was, that funny, light, sweet Mary Jane. We liked each other the instant we met, had so much fun together all through elementary, high school and college, double dated and were in each other's weddings, and although we didn't have a lot of contact in later years, when we did it was warm and wonderful. I will miss her. And her passing reminds me that I have choice in terms of how I care for my body to maintain well being and radiant health.

• Today I am present and loving for myself and others
• I accept my emotions and allow them to flow
• I enjoy eating fresh beautiful foods that truly nourish me and feel good in my body
• I am active and alive
• I offer love where there is fear
• I accept and love myself and others with our faults and foibles
• I trust that everyone is on an unfolding path toward love and light
• Today I take time to meditate
• Today I take time to be aware and present
• Today I take time to care lovingly for myself
• I am committed to improving the ways I take care of myself
• I am grateful for all of the experiences of being alive to day.

I am changing my story about who I am and how I am and what is possible for me in all aspects of my life and relationships. I'm excited about this and look forward to thinking and writing more about it later today, and I am planning to made a vision board

enJOY~

Let's string some days together!

Yesterday was good, I biked, I had a big smoothie that made two meals, a lara bar at the movies, some oranges, ,and few handsful of good clean popcorn. A bunch of water. I only ate when I was hungry, the smoothies kept me quite a long time. It was wonderful to THINK I wanted something to eat but ask if I was really hungry and when the answer was NO, had water and that was it.
Here's what was in that big smoothie:
banana
strawberries
blueberries
apple
almonds
hempseed
flaxseed
maca
cocoa
yogurt
agave
YUM! a feast fit for a queen!

I have a slight headache this morning, maybe some detox..bring it on!
I am going biking this morning, a long ride. I'll be making that smoothie again, have stuff for a spinach salad, bought beautiful cara cara navel oranges...they're back in season! and some tomatoes and I have a nice big avocado from my neighbor that's perfect to use today. So some guac and pico. I also decided that when I go out for dinner and am planning to have a salad, I'll bring some avocado and pico to put on it.
I want this to be a sort of no brainer, not up for grabs every day in terms of what to eat. My commitment to myself is to pay attention and make choices that bring me closer to what I want.

What I want is to feel good in my body, to honor my emotions, to care for myself lovingly, and to eat and act and think in ways that allow me to release the excess fat I carry on my body. I am getting flashes of what I'll look like when I've released that weight, and it's not the same ME I used to envision...she was younger.lol No, this me is ME but smaller, lighter and very radiant and joyful.

All the emotional work I have done in my life, esp these past two years has brought me to today. I want to honor myself by taking the time, effort and attention it requires to care for myself beautifully.

So I want to string another 'pearl' of a day together today. I was inspired by someone who said her son who has had drug and alcohol issues has strung 100 clean days together. Bravo!!

• I love myself and the way I care for myself reflects that love
• I am enough
• I have enough of all that I need and want
• I am loved
• I love deeply
• My emotions light my path toward joy and well being
• I allow myself lightness and joy
• I choose beautiful, fresh, delicious foods to nourish my body
• I choose fun activities
• I support my loved ones on their journeys to joy and well being
• All is well.....now and always
• I relax into God's arms and allow all to be handled without me
  
  Here we go!

Paradigm shifts......

Once again I am inspired and motivated to eat raw foods. Inching my way toward this lifestyle is a process. I find the desire comes after eating SAD and experiencing the effects of it on my mind;/body. It's then that I want raw and more raw. Simple raw, salads, avocado, pico, fruit, lots of water, smoothies.
I am also aware that to change the state of my body requires a paradigm shift and I am asking for guidance about that. Einstein said you can't solve a problem on the same level of thinking that created it, so thinking about diet and exercise is not where it's at. I have to change my thinking errors to change my reality. What I have today is a result of my thinking, and if I want something different it will only come from different thinking...but only ALWAYS.

I am light
I am nourished
I am safe
All the ones I love are safe
All the ones I love are safe
I am cherished
I know how to cherish myself and others
I am precious and beautiful
I am worthy of the effort to care for myself
I am worthy of the effort to allow my dreams to come true

FInally aligned!

I have been praying, intending and asking to be aligned with eating more raw foods and releasing excess body fat. I am there. I have no resistance to eating more raw as I've struggled with in the past. I am happy to prepare and eat raw, living foods for myself. I'm satisfied. I enjoy them. I don't crave other kinds of food right now. Raw and I are a match.

I have taken a lighter, gentler approach with myself now. It is about my joy. My well being. My aliveness. It's about releasing everything that does not serve those. It has come about as a result of releasing limiting thoughts and patterns in other areas of my life and has come full circle to my physical body.

I am proud of myself for being willing to keep my eye on what I have wanted for these past three or so years that I have played with raw foods. I no longer look for a path that is a straight line. I trust that all the steps I take are leading me to where I ultimately want to be. I have a vision for myself and am steadily moving toward it as it moves steadily toward me. In some way, on some level, I am already there!

So today I have had half of a smoothie of:
banana
blueberries
strawberries
almonds
hempseed
flaxseed
maca
cocoa
stevia

Later I'll have the other half; then a salad with half an avocado for lunch.
And for dinner a 'meaty' mole sauce on top of some marinated veggies, and a couple of pesto stuffed mushrooms. Dessert will be a raw brownie and some raw soft serve banana strawberry ice cream.

I biked for an hour this morning. Life is good and I am joyful.

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?

I'm on kind of uncertain ground with food and the MC. What I am certain of is that I will not start 'shoulding' on myself again. I am a person who has gone to many extremes, including disordered eating a few decades ago, with food. Right now I am feeding myself 'self love'. And lots of it.

I am loving my body the way it is and for so many many reasons. First, because it is ME. And then because it has taken such great care of me for all of my life. I have no complaints at all where my body is concerned. I am healthy, strong, energetic, heal quickly, am attractive and vibrant. So if I am carrying around 90 pounds that I don't want to carry around, then I know what to do about it. Really.

It's just seems that simple. And if for now, I don't feel like doing what needs to be done to release those extra pounds of fat, then that is what is. I am a big believer in embracing what is. I try to do that in other areas of my life, but where my body has been concerned, I'm got all kinds of rules and regs and perfectionistic thinking and judging, etc etc etc

I had a conversation with my son the other day and he was expressing sadness and hurt at the thought that I might judge that what he is accomplishing in his life these days, wouldn't be enough. I reassured him that that was not the case, that I am very proud of him and what he has accomplished, that it and he are more than enough, and he heard me.

The thing is, I know just how he feels, because where it concerns my body/weight/size, I do that to myself all the time. Not enough. That's the message. And at some point, I rebelled against that and said, 'no more'. What is, is, and what is, is okay with me. I love and accept myself and what I do and how I look and who I am.

Now, if I somehow relax enough to choose to do what needs to be done to release the extra weight, then fine. But no strong arm tactics any more.

So here is what I AM doing:

• I'm giving myself loving messages about my body.
• I'm being grateful about various aspects of my physical self
• I am taking good care of myself physically with body brushing, daily exercise (which I love and is NOT a should), drinking water, getting enough sleep, relaxing at various times during the day, eating moderately and honestly
• I am staying off the scale
• I am using energy clearing techniques that work for me to eliminate thoughts, feelings and emotions that make me feel bad---about anything
• I am reminding myself that there is no magic food or diet, or evil food or diet
• I am reminding myself that I created this body I am living in, with the extra weight, because that's what I unconsciously told my body I wanted
• I am reminding myself that if I created this body, I can create a different one by changing what I decide I need and want--my unconscious will again say 'your wish is my command'
• I am asking myself how this larger body still serves me and why I still want it (if I still have it, then that tell me I still want it)
• I am enjoying being alive in THIS body
• I am imagining the new, beautiful clothes I will be buying for myself, NOW
• I am experiencing more and more peace and joy
• etc. etc. etc

Notice that only a couple of tiny pieces of this are about food. The rest is all about recognizing my power to manifest, and the fact that I am not a victim, and am unconditionally loveable. And that Spirit is helping me every step of the way, knows what I really want, and always gives it to me. And I am asking for that help every day.

As I do these things, I notice that my appetite diminishes. I am easily satisfied. It only takes a little bit of what I want for me to feel that my need has been met. And in the meantime, it feels so good to be loved by me!

LOVING MYSELF

This arrived in my mail box today....and it spoke to me. The wonderful thing is that it arrived at the exact right moment for me. It arrived right after I had the insight that my difficult day yesterday offered me a gift of awareness. I realized this morning that my experience yesterday, of course had to do with the feelings I was feeling, but it also had as much to do with what I was telling myself, what I was saying out loud, and what I was believing about what I was feeling. It's clear to me that my ego's role, the power of my unconscious beliefs, have a huge effect on me.

Now admittedly I was experiencing a lot of grief, sadness, discouragement, disappointment, etc etc. But when I paid attention to the things I said about what I was feeling, I realized how my thoughts, judgements and beliefs about what I was feeling intensified the experience, and had me feeling like a victim of my own feelings!

This, for me, is a huge and important realization. I can feel whatever I feel, and I can say things that are supportive, conscious, and helpful as I feel them. I can choose not to make myself feel worse by saying things that come out of an old and obsolete belief system.

I also saw so clearly that eating does not help. And actually, I ate after I had expressed what I was feeling and had already released a lot energetically. lol Again, what I tell myself about the need to eat is key here. I 'm digging deep for unconscious beliefs and thoughts and where I find them is right smack in my behavior. :)

So I am grateful that I'm feeling better today. I'm grateful for this awareness. And today is a new day.

Weight today: 219.5. Lemonade is all made. Got an appointment this morning. I'll walk later. Then client sessions and writing are on my agenda. I get to do a lot of creative things today!

Oh, I almost forgot, here's the quote:

"...Do not give yourself more attention than you need, but take care of yourself and do not continually slay the God within you. Give opportunities in your daily life for the Christ within to manifest itself. This is what we mean by loving yourself, and this is what Jesus meant when he said ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. ‘ Love peace of mind, love doing the right thing, love living according to divine law."~White Eagle

Later: I feel terrific today! Lemonades are tasting good. Did an hour of exercise. Working with clients, hired my graphic designer to design a business card for me after he did such a great job on my logo. Putting the word out about a book printer and have some inspired ideas to follow up on. Had a few small bites of food. No biggie.

I am choosing peace of mind, I am doing the right thing, and I am asking for divine guidance.

And then a friend of mine and my husband's asked if we'd like to join them in Sedona in April. I had just put out to the Universe that Sedona was one of the next places I want to visit. Love it!!

THE RAW TRUTH

Okay, so here's the deal today. I DON'T FEEL LIKE doing the MC. I DON"T FEEL LIKE eating raw. I DON'T FEEL LIKE pushing or pulling myself at all. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and I have a headache.

What I feel like doing is curling up, staying warm (it's cool and rainy here today--perfect for how I'm feeling) watching a movie, forgetting all about life and problems and kids and fat and nutrition and and and and and and.....got the picture?

I invited my feelings up so I could heal them. Well, here they are. So I'm going easy with myself today and we'll see what's next.

So far I've had four lemonades, and a handfull of soaked almonds. Okay.

I just want to be left alone. I don't want any 'shoulds' or 'have to's'. I worked out this morning and that felt great. I did a few phone sessions with clients and that felt good. I spoke on the phone with Robert, my internet mentor, and that was good too. I'm trying to find a mic that will give me clean, clear, 'no hums or buzzes in the background' recordings, to record a bunch of stuff for my online course, etc. No luck so far. I'll keep searching and trying. My new laptop should arrive later this week, and I'll see if I get a better result with these mics I have using the new 'puter.

In the meantime, I need to rest. And love myself through this day. I need to do this process from the inside out, not the other way around. I always end up rebelling with rules and shoulds imposed from without, even from myself. lol The MC is feeling like a should right this minute.
I'm not giving up, I'm observing, that's all. And I will honor myself no matter what. This is a process. Breathing deeply now......

...and yeah, I'm pretty sure this all is detox, emotional and physical. Okay. Perspective.

Later: I laid low, ate some food, rested, felt and released a lot of emotion: sadness, frustration, discouragement......and tomorrow is another day. I just keep showing up.

I

DAY 1 OF MY MASTER CLEANSE

I woke up this morning ready to go! Got up and exercised with a new Firm dvd and step, and then some time on my semi recumbant bike.

Made a batch of lemonade. Going to the office to see clients. Then phone calls. More later.....

Later:

I've recently had some dreams about older women divorcing and not looking forward to being single. They looked old, unattractive and unhappy, and weren't looking forward to life. I know that there is a part of me that is in such deep grief and discouragment about everything that's been going on for the past few years, and that I've been pushing it down. L wrote me about how hard it is for her to stay raw and how she is pushing down the grief with SAD. I totally understand. I think that's one of my unconscious motivations for doing the MC.

I've been asking for my anger and disappointment to be released. I want to let go of my hurt. I don't want to eat about this stuff any more. And I want to honor my feelings more completely. I usually keep on keepin' on and that's a good thing, but not if the undercurrent of suffering continues unconsicously. I am looking at my unconscious beliefs

There are brief moments when I wouldn't mind if it all ended now, life that is. I have had a few of those thoughts recently, very unlike me. I don't really want to die, but I would like all this to stop, now. and if I did die, I'd be free, and peaceful and detached from it all. And everyone would go on without me. That's how badly I want deep peace, lasting peace. I don't want to die, but I do want to stop suffering.

I'm going to find ways to honor the hurt and the anger without 'feeding' them. When I went thru the divorce with B I wrote and wrote and screamed and punched and hit things and then it was gone. This is a different path I'm on and I can get to joy and peace very often....and the hurt. the vulnerability is underneath it. I want the clarity the MC gave me before. I'm intending a true cleansing, of my emotions, all the ones I'm ready to release, as well as my body. I'm intending claiming my true lightness.

When I think about being in therapy with W (not that she's responded to me) I see myself calm, grounded, and loving. As I inquire and investigate about the situation with her, I accept that it is what it is, and was what it was, and that's that. And I love her. And I can't control how she feels about me, or treats me, or the kind of relationship she wants or doesn't want with me. And I can scare myself with how detached I can get from her too. So much going on there. And the deep hurt comes and goes.

I am really understandingng on a deeper level how important it is to deal with the human suffering, the pain. And not just spiritualize it away. The spiritual aspect offers perspective and understanding and the possibility of peace.... AND people are suffering, I am suffering, so is J, and so is W. I can keep stepping out of the suffering with spiritual awareness, but I see that the willingness to release the suffering is key. And the only way out is through. And the only way for that to happen is to keep reclaiming the power I've given to my ego, thinking that would keep me safe and happy. The energy medicine techniques work and so do other spiritual practices......and there are layers and layers that I am healing. So I have to keep on releasing and releasing, clearing and clearing. Over and over. That's the work of NOW.

I feel how deep this healing is. It is dealing with, excavating and healing lifetimes of pain and suffering and distorted thinking. It is inviting compassion, kindness, understanding, unity for myself and for others. It is about stepping into a different paradigm of human experience. I know this is true. And like many others, I sometimes feel like this might KILL me.

So this MC is part of a greater desire I have to clear old energies right down to a cellular level. It is a step I am taking. That's what I am intending. That's what is already happening.

MASTER CLEANSE STARTS TOMORROW

I'm starting the Master Cleanser, aka lemonade diet, tomorrow. I'm observing that releasing wheat is something I'm not willing to do yet, and I'm remembering how fabulous I felt on the MC two years ago. It was before Christmas and I was cooking and baking for my family and not tempted a bit and enjoying doing those things for them.

I'm very happy to have been inspired by the folks at rawfoodtalk.com to begin another MC.
So lemons, maple syrup and a pinch of cayenne.

I'm psyched remembering how easy it was, how happy, peaceful, energetic and fabulous I felt when I did it before. And the 20 lbs I released was a bonus
.
I found it very easy last time. I'm intending a similar, if not better, experience this time.
I'll post daily about how it goes.

wishing you the best,
Jan

MEXICAN VEGGIE PLATE

MEXICAN VEGGIE PLATE

Chop:

1 small zucchini
1/2 portobello mushroom
6-8 asparagus spears
piece of white onion
plum tomato
kernels from 2 ears of corn

Then combine in FP:

1/2 c sundried tomatoes, drained
2-4 T EVOO
1 T honey
1 clove garlic
1/2 c walnuts
1 T chili powder
1 t cumin
1 t ground coriander
1/3 c fresh coriander

Pour sauce over veggies and mix well. Let this marinate while you make some fresh pico de gallo
(tomatos, white onion, lime juice, jalapeno pepper, fresh coriander, salt--chopped in FP) and guacamole.

Serve the veggies topped with pico, raw rich cheddar sauce and guacamole.......delish, I mean really really delish.
Next time I'll have some raw corn tortillas, or corn chips to serve with it.

DREAM BIG! GET SMALL!

I am very committed to caring for myself much better and more lovingly. My spirit has been leading me to raw for a couple of years now. I have a long history of issues with food. I like to create recipes and have come up with some wonderful raw ones. For the past few years though, I keep reverting to a SAD diet.

One of the things that has been a problem in the past is not eating enough when eating raw. I have released my old habits of snacking on nuts and dates throughout the day and am now paying close attention to eating when I am hungry, and eating enough. When I'm looking around for something to eat and don't know what I want, I'll make a smoothie with cocoa, green or not.

I will also carry with me apples and almonds. And I'm willing to stop at a supermarket to get some fruit etc when I'm out and hungry.

I am committed to changing my thinking from being about being deprived to sheer abundance, vitality, fitness, well being and radiance. Radiance is what I really really want. And for me the foods I eat are key.

I already walk and/or bike every day for at least an hour. Some days I've walked 16,000+ steps. So I know that in that dept I'm doing fine. I want to add some weight training back into my plan and I am. I used to weight train hard and regularly and was thrown off track by some challenging life circumstances. I like the feeling of strength and power I experience with weight training and I know it's another way to take care of myself well and lovingly.

I am a big person--spiritually speaking, and I love that about me--that my spirit is so big energetically, and magnificent. I am in the midst of creating some big dreams with respect to my career: writing books, courses, spiritual life coaching and teaching I've had for a long time. And I also realize that I don't have to be physically big to be a big person in a big life! I can --and in a parallel reality already am--a big person in a big life in a smaller, firmer, fitter, more radiant body.

So NOW would be a good time to start living that reality and collapsing the old one of needing to be in a big body for whatever all the old reasons were. I realize that my unconscious has only and always created what I said I wanted--unconsiously--so I am changing that. I'll be sharing how I'm doing that as I go along.

This blog will be not only about my raw food lifestyle, but also, necessarily about my spiritual path. It's all intertwined for me.

So for starters, today I weigh 220.5 lbs. My goal weight is 130 lbs.
I have overweight for about 20 years. Before that my weight was in the normal range---125 to 140. I was anorexic when I went thru my divorce 25 yrs ago and my weight dropped to 104. My health is great, BP perfect, cholesterol, triglycerides fine, blood sugar is getting to borderline range. So, the numbers are not driving me, the true deep desire for integrity, lightness and radiance is. The desire for my outside to match my inside is.

So NOW is only and always the best time to start and blogging will help me, since I am at heart a writer and teacher.

Food planned for today:
1.Smoothie with banana, apple. blueberries, soaked almonds, maca and cacao.
2.Tacos with almond/walnut 'meat' and guac and pico and lettuce on *Ezekiel wrap or lettuce wrap
3.Marinated veggie plate with mushrooms, jicama, zucchini, onion, tomato, etc
4.Large salad with EVOO, ACV and a drizzle of honey
5.Smoothie like #1 (if hungry)
6. 1 T Chocolate ganache from RFRW
7. raw veggies and fruit as I want
* For now I'll be using Ezekiel tortilla, light rye Wasa occasionally, and maybe even fish, like mahi-mahi from time to time.

**The main site I go to for raw inspiration and great people is http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/
***The main books I refer to are Living on Live Food, Raw Food Real World, The Raw Transformation, and Rainbow Green-Live Food Cuisine. And I'm always making up my own raw recipes which I'll post here.