Okay, so here's the deal today. I DON'T FEEL LIKE doing the MC. I DON"T FEEL LIKE eating raw. I DON'T FEEL LIKE pushing or pulling myself at all. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and I have a headache.
What I feel like doing is curling up, staying warm (it's cool and rainy here today--perfect for how I'm feeling) watching a movie, forgetting all about life and problems and kids and fat and nutrition and and and and and and.....got the picture?
I invited my feelings up so I could heal them. Well, here they are. So I'm going easy with myself today and we'll see what's next.
So far I've had four lemonades, and a handfull of soaked almonds. Okay.
I just want to be left alone. I don't want any 'shoulds' or 'have to's'. I worked out this morning and that felt great. I did a few phone sessions with clients and that felt good. I spoke on the phone with Robert, my internet mentor, and that was good too. I'm trying to find a mic that will give me clean, clear, 'no hums or buzzes in the background' recordings, to record a bunch of stuff for my online course, etc. No luck so far. I'll keep searching and trying. My new laptop should arrive later this week, and I'll see if I get a better result with these mics I have using the new 'puter.
In the meantime, I need to rest. And love myself through this day. I need to do this process from the inside out, not the other way around. I always end up rebelling with rules and shoulds imposed from without, even from myself. lol The MC is feeling like a should right this minute.
I'm not giving up, I'm observing, that's all. And I will honor myself no matter what. This is a process. Breathing deeply now......
...and yeah, I'm pretty sure this all is detox, emotional and physical. Okay. Perspective.
Later: I laid low, ate some food, rested, felt and released a lot of emotion: sadness, frustration, discouragement......and tomorrow is another day. I just keep showing up.
I
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